So this morning I kind of crashed. Eldest and I were supposed to be looking at a Geography past paper, Middle and Youngest were supposed to be practicing some handwriting, and the house was a mess. The puppy was going crazy and my stress levels were rocketing. All I could think was 'I need a day off', followed by 'But I can't - Eldest needs to keep up'. I know that when we get that driven it is really bad for our mental, emotional and physical health, so I forced myself to stop despite the persistent mini-dictator in my head.
First I gave Middle and Youngest the day off, and asked them to just tidy their rooms before they watched TV or played games. Then Eldest appeared. He had been doing a lesson on MathsWhizz in his room and came to say his brothers were distracting him. I hugged him and asked if he'd like a day off - his shoulders relaxed and he looked so relieved: a rest was definitely in order. I played with the puppy until he was worn out (thankfully it doesn't take long), and then got to work on my own agenda.
My lovely friends on Facebook all agreed that I should have a day off (I can always rely on them to be supportive!) but although they all suggested various forms of relaxation (tea, alcohol, TV, book etc), I decided I needed to catch up on some housework first. NOT my favourite pastime at all, but if my house is a mess it can really affect my mood. I can cope with a fair amount of mess - I have kids after all - but I was getting to the point of feeling overwhelmed by all the jobs that I'd been meaning to tackle for ages but never getting time. So first I hit the front room and cleared all the junk-attracting surfaces, then the hall and some boxes that had been staring at me since we moved in - then the utility room which has just been gathering homeless junk. It wasn't exactly a rest, but man, did it feel good! I did make sure I got a couple of rests in between rooms as well, but as my fatigue was more mental than physical, that wasn't really the issue!
The thing I realised is that the GCSE studies are a long-term commitment that we are just beginning, and yesterday we were reminded that the end is a pretty long way off! It can feel a bit discouraging to hit a bump like yesterday's, even though I am confident we will get there over time. It just felt so positive to tackle the niggling practical jobs that had been lurking for ages but were lower priority than Eldest's studies. Being able to complete a few short-term achievements, however menial, just helped me mentally to feel more 'can do' about other long-term commitments, such as Geography exams etc. So now I feel utterly ready to get back to some GCSE studies etc tomorrow - with my house looking more ordered, my head feels less cluttered too, and ready to focus again. And with Eldest having had a surprise rest-day I'm hoping tomorrow will be smoother sailing all round...